Impossible! Really??

Recently noted on the guardian website was an article talking about how Bristol, Sarah Palin’s daughter has broken off her engagement. A lot of us must have expected that the whole , ’she is not going to be a single mother’ and ‘they are getting married soon’ bakwaas was exactly that. She said in an interview that mom’s belief of abstinence is “not realistic at all”.

Just made me think that abstinence being un-realistic, is such a cultural phenomenon. I am by no means for or against Sarah Palin’s belief, so that is something we are not discussing here. What I want to understand is what is it that makes something un-realistic in the US, completely acceptable and manageable by a large majority in India.

Before I go any further, I must say I have not been to the US yet, so my knowledge comes from books, movies, TV and the net. Also I understand that there must be a sample of Indian youth who do find it unrealistic to abstain, not talking in absolutes here.

Are Indian parents better at programming their kids? I have seen the youngsters in a place like Mumbai, where drinking is fairly commonplace, gujju jain kids from pure vegetarian families choosing not to drink, not even curious enough to try a sip. Its interesting. I keep wondering if it is oppressive upbringing or excellent upbringing or something completely different. The same logic applies to loads of Indian kids from many different states and cultures not sleeping around with anyone or experimenting with multiple people seemingly out of choice. It does not seem like oppression because the kids are fairly happy with their families and their lives. I would assume anger as a reaction to restrictions but I have rarely seen it.

Are Indian kids fundamentally different from their American or European counterparts in that they have different priorities and different needs. Is it in some way related to different races being fundamentally different? I don’t think so, but I don’t know (Indian engineering students would become even harder to explain then). Or is it that exposure to the other sex and to a lifestyle of open sexuality is limited/non existent and that is the explanation to how Indian kids/youth behave.

I don’t understand this yet. Why is one person’s impossibility another person’s given?

P.S. Thanks to AMI for framing the last question.

We, the unruly people

On Sunday, I became the target of the psycho ramblings of a super idiotic imbecile on a bike. What happened was this, we were at a traffic signal waiting for it to turn green. The bike in front of us,  ahead of the stop line got slightly nudged by the car on their right and the driver nearly lost balance. The pillion rider however, just got down and started screaming at me saying it was all my fault. He did not pause to hear any explanation, looked at hubby, who looked at him with the most dead pan expression possible. He ended the tirade of noise by telling my husband, why don’t you drive.

At the very next signal, I again stopped behind the stop line and then saw around 5 car owners park (or should i say start their creep) in front of me. Both incidents made me super mad. I actually could not see why following the rules was a good thing for me, when nothing happened to the ones who broke them.

After some thinking, I have no answers but a lot of questions about the way we as a country operate. I know very few people read this blog, but maybe one of them will be able to answer them or maybe I am just cribbing so I get the pain out of my system:

1. Does the lack of disincentive to break rules, become the incentive. – I mean the people who cut in line before me never got caught, why should I follow rules the next time.

2. Why is it that in case of traffic incidents, Indians always assume the bigger car, the richer looking person, the woman is at fault. Why can’t we argue about the traffic on the merits of the case. I really believe that if someone gets hurt breaking the rules, there should be little or no sympathy for them. Why does it not happen? Is it because our mentality of the 60s/70s bollywood, where all rich men were corrupt and bad is still there somewhere.

3. Why is it that when we, as a people, do not value time and don’t believe that reaching late anywhere deserves even a polite apology, that we need to run, push, shove and break all sorts of rules reach the front of the line. Isn’t the idea of  being first in line, contrary to our chalta hai attitude? The people who break the signal with their traffic creep, gain what, 30 seconds or maybe 2 minutes, going somewhere where they are already around 30 minutes late. Whats 35 compared to 30 man, why do it?

4. Why can’t we learn the basic rules of decency and not throw garbage out of vehicles? What bothers me more is that, I can’t figure out the source of our problem. Is it lack of education? No.  I have seen educated professionals, working in an MNC do it. They think nothing of throwing paper in and out of the local trains. Is it lack of money? No. I have seen people throwing chips packets, fruit peels and even toll booth receipts. They say the best way to take care of a problem is by eliminating its source. Since the source is not clear, will we never solve this problem.

5. Are we justified in blaming governments for all the faults in the system? When the government comes up with rules which are intended to solve citizen’s problems, and we find loopholes to game the system, aren’t we at fault? We blaim it on our politicians because we expect them to be smarter than us, more honest than us, more selfless than us. They come from within the system, why should they be better?

What I find really funny in this whole thing is that on a collective level, we find it difficult to admit that our country is unclean, few people follow rules. Even when we are shown examples of other countries handling things better than us, we have a list of excuses ready. Who are we trying to fool when we give explanations for these problems. Here is a list of some reasons why other countries are not as happy as us.

1. Singapore is nice and clean, but itna freedom nahin hai ki aap ek kaagaz bhi phenk sako or chewing gum khana bhi allowed nahin hai. No yaar, its too clean, almost antiseptic. (yeah. correct. Throwing paper is like a birthright no. I mean c’mon, why would people be happy when they have to carry wrappers of chocolates with them till the next dustbin.)

2. Hong Kong is nice, very good place to work, but your civil liberties are non-existent. You can’t protest against their policies yaar. (What an insight, thats why we are in such an awesome place, we can protest. And break rules.)

3. US or UK mein standard of life to achcha hai, but culture kharab hai. (As SRK said in Swades, when all arguments fail, we bring out the trump card of sanskar and sanskriti)

I don’t think that all is going wrong in our country, absolutely not. But we need to accept the issues and try to solve them. First we change ourselves, then we change our politicians. And now for the toughest question. How??

3 Questions. No clear answers.

3 thoughts and many more questions:

1. I have never met anyone who doesn’t care about what others think of him/her. Everyone has their own circle, which makes them think “what will they think/say about me”. My friends (nearly all) care about what their friends/colleagues think, my parents’ generation seems to care about a larger circle (friends, relatives, neighbours, loosely defined category of log (people)). People in the media care about critics, people in the corporate offices care about peers and bosses and so on. Why do we tell people “to hell with what other people think” when we can’t follow this ourselves. Seems to me, noone can but nearly everyone preaches. The worst is when parents warn kids not to succumb to peer pressure, and will make kids jump through hoops so that their own peer group doesn’t judge them.

I thought of this because in my opinion the opposition to the depiction of poverty in Slumdog is basically a bunch of Indians thinking, ” ab western world mein log kya kahenge/sochenge” (What does the west think/say about us)

2. At a party some time back, we were discussing how a lot of countries have a counter culture driven largely by anger which surfaces in the form of graffiti, rap music, dark art etc. but not India. What I found surprising after this observation was, not only is such counter culture missing, I see a lot of happy and content youngsters coming from the most restricted families, not even tempted to break the rules just because they find rules stifling. I mean, when I was young, I grew up with my share of fights with my parents because I thought they were too narrow minded. I see these youngsters and kids and wonder if they ever get thoughts of rebellion or being restricted, I think not.

If I am right, is there something parents are doing right in India or are they emotionally paining their kids so they follow rules or is it that the repressed frustrations of the kids will raise their ugly head in some fashion later in their lives?

3. Why do the extremists of multiple religions talk in the same tone and about the same things (Marriage, Women being inferior to men, women should dress modestly etc.)? If they have some agreement on some of the things, why do most of them say we are right and all other sects/religions a work of the devil?

I fail to understand the need to stay true to one particular culture/faith/belief system. Accepting change in beliefs is in my opinion a sign of maturity. It is unlikely and also unbelievable that any sensible person has believed in the same thing all their life. I am sure as kids we thought that 16 is obviously the age when life is completely clear to you. If we can change views why should it bother us if others believe in different things. Their views on anything and everything, are most likely going to change in the future, just like yours did and will.

Back to the glorious past!

The Right is right. The flag bearers of Indian culture have every right to be angered at the filthy western habits of the Bhartiya Naari like wearing western clothes, jeans and cut sleeves t-shirts,  which leave the woman nearly nude…(its ok, Geometry is hard for some people!)… Going to Pubs(double gasp)…and celebrating Valentine’s day ( hey bhagwan…in horror, not in greeting).  I completely agree, I think there are certain steps which need to be taken to ensure that our glorious country can go back in time to its glorious days. Its a western concept to talk of moving forward, let them move forward, we will steadfastly take steps back in time, I stand by them in their action plan. I have a few additional suggestions to take this transition to the next level:

1. How dare people travel by trains and buses – These are symbols of our days under the British rule, did the Gods take the 501 bus or the 9:10 local, its not a part of our culture and is not acceptable.

2. Cars and scooters – These are just ways for the west to suck us into their world of transportation, fast movement and meeting each other. These are the things which lead to girls and boys from good households travelling distances to meet each other and be in confined spaces…chi chi. Ban all modes of transport, except the trusted beasts of burden and the carts which they carry.

3. I have broken the code of Indianness, I know I am guilty, the evils of telcommunication, the landlines and mobiles are works of the asuras, if they are so important, how could people survive without them in our past. I have not forgotten the internet, lets all stop using it for its not Indian.

4. Next in line are people living anywhere except their own home towns, its absolutely horrifying that people with this western concept of ambition in their head move to different corners of the country and the world. They are the responsible parties in putting India on the global map with the software engineers and investment bankers and accountants and doctors all making a mark for themselves. Blech, makes me want to puke. Lets all just stick to the primary sector, work on farms, mines, animal rearing etc. That is the true India, not the India which sends vehicles to the Moon, which creates cars, which makes institutions like the IITs and the IIMs.

5. Now, I am very sure that none of the fundamental right wing true blue Indians fall at the feet of corrupt, poisonous western medicine to solve health problems, our own vaidyas have the cure for everything. Also no activists of this most noble cause, would ever go to or let anyone in their families ever study in an engligh medium school, its obviuosly not useful, in fact, schools are not useful. Our glorious tradition of Gurukul is what is required in this day and age.

The laundry list of things un-indian which should be banned since all of them in some way lead to women (not men obviously, sheesh!) commit many many deeds which are against the bharatiya nari’s code of conduct (which is written where exactly? I forget) is long, and they all must be stopped. Working in jobs, where men and women work together is despicable, clothes made using machines is so against our culture, how about Cricket and Hockey (we spit on these British wastes of time),  Paper currency (the root of all evil), Roads  made with concrete and cement and using machines, where is the love for kachcha roads), Honeymoon (leaving old parents at home to go have fun, nooooooo shravan kumar would not have done that).

I am sure the list can be longer but then I am just a woman, am sure my sanskriti does not allow me to voice my opinion publicly.

Since, we must practice what we preach, once all these things are given up by the custodians of our pure and superior culture, maybe we can accept the likes of SRS, MNS etc asking others to live a certain way or else to let everyone live in peace.

God be with them in this endeavour, except for one small thing, If I were God, would I not have other things to take care of instead of worrying about/get offended by what one wears or puts in their mouth. Or maybe these are the things God is worrying about and has no time for the floods/poor/sick/war-affected/religious fanatics.

Car. Meet fifth gear. Fifth gear. Meet car.

AMI and I have shifted to Saadi Dilli from Aamchi Mumbai a couple of weeks back.  After a lot of running around (when is the truck with the stuff reaching?, we need to call electrician, plumber etc.) and some amount of panicking (we will never find a maid, there are no curtains available for the windows this size.)  we are finally settling in very well thank you. We have gone from, “its too cold!” to “aaj thand nahin hai na” in pretty much the same temperature.

I have spent a large part of my life in Delhi, going to school and college here, so for me its more re-acquainting than introduction to a new city. Though the amount it has changed is phenomenal. The roads are for the most part, super fantastic, if you are coming from Mumbai, the roads would scare you, “Something is wrong. Why is my car moving so much and so fast”. “Am I going deaf? Why is no one honking?” etc.  A lot of people have asked me which do you like better, Delhi or Mumbai. I think its too early to comment but then not having enough information has never stopped any proud Indian (or should I say Punjabi) from giving a completely convinced opinion(In any case, there are no more than 10 people who know I blog )

The one thing which the MBA has taught me is not to commit to any one argument.  I love the following words and phrases – on the other hand, the flip side is that, however, having said that etc. I love them only when I use them, of anyone else uses, I find it super annoying and form an opinion that this idiot knows nothing. So to avoid annoying the aforementioned 10 people, I will try to avoid the MBA gyaan in the analysis (I can call it analysis even if it is just opinion, cos its my blog.)

So here goes my analysis of how things work (things which affect me) in both cities.

1. Traffic

Delhi wins hands down. The drivers are equally bad everywhere just that the infrastructure in Dilli allows people the luxury of making mistakes. It is in my mind, the land of “hum jahaan khade hote hain, line wahin se shuru hoti hai” but a little bit of shaking head in disgust, questioning looks and gestures, and occasionally some gaalis, traffic is moving. The only sad thing is that with the nice roads, a little extra effort towards following traffic rules, the city could have world class traffic. I have a solution (I mostly do), we need cameras at many many traffic signals and I am sure each will break even within a day if not within hours. Nevertheless, this is the city where our car got introduced to existence of a fifth gear.

Mumbai on the other hand does not have a traffic problem if by traffic we mean moving vehicles. I have heard all excuses – Its straight and so there is only one route possible, Its too big an exercise, maybe the money is less. Our conclusion (me and AMI) is the only problem is lack of will from the politicians.

2. Food  -

In terms of mid range restaurants, I know Mumbai has quite a few, not so sure about Delhi. The road side food variety in Delhi is unmatched from kulche chole, golguppe, chaat to boiled egg/omlette places, you name it, its there. I am slightly unsure about the premium restaurants, coz when I left Delhi after graduation, most places seemed premium . Will update on food soon. Have just found this site http://eoid.wordpress.com and am becoming even more happy.

3. Late nights -

Mumbai absolutely wins for sure, the city is super safe. Getting a cab or auto in the middle of the night or even early morning is safe. For women, its completely safe till around midnight, post which might be good to have someone along. The street lights work at all times, or so I think based on my experience.

Compared to that, Delhi with its malfunctioning street lights, open spaces and green covers combined with the cowardice of the men becomes unsafe undoubtedly. The neem on top of the karela is that Delhi police seems to be less competent/willing to help than their Mumbai counterparts. Women would not feel safe after 9 in most places. This website http://blog.blanknoise.org/ with the right intentions and the wrong methods, would find a big market in Delhi methinks. If there exists a partying circuit in Delhi, I am not so sure(have heard rumours of it though).

4. People

I very strongly believe that middle class indians are the same across the country in terms of basic values. Their level of modernity might differ from city to city but basic nature is more or less the same. Seems like there is no comparison here. The thing that has changed is  instead of  hearing “Abbe Gaadi hata, paka mat”, you end up hearing (specially in Gurgaon), ” Bhai, Gaddddi hatta le, dimaag kharab na kar”.

Any comments or additions are welcome. Tell tell.